my life as a poorly conceived soap opera

no details, sorry - let's just say it has something to do with "losing my religion"

I'll be traveling the next couple of weeks - very unlikely I'll have time or means to post to the blog - no worries, though, mates - getting better at soft landings.....


and because I am grateful for those who visit my blog - this little gift from Rainer Maria Rilke (translation Robert Bly):

12
And then that girl the angels came to visit,
she woke also to fruit, frightened by beauty,
given love, shy, in her
so much blossom, the forest
no one had explored, with paths leading everywhere.

They left her alone to walk and to drift
and the spring carried her along.
Her simple and unselfcentered Mary-life
became marvelous and castlelike.
Her life resembled trumpets on the feast days
that reverberated far inside every house;
and she, once so girlish and fragmented,
was so plunged now inside her womb,
and so full inside from that one thing
and so full - enough for a thousand others -
that every creature seemed to throw light on her
and she was like a slope with vines, heavily bearing.

the road to maluhia

road to maluhia 2, originally uploaded by morningstar treebud.

...and I still don't know if I'm a falqon, a storm, or a great song...

"Ruthie, its like you're taking a course in advanced auto mechanics, but you don't even know how to change the oil, yet."

......So, I'm tired of inscrutable riddles, silent replies, dead-end detours, I'm tired of this frustration - I want to quit! I'm going for a walk; you may find me still walking a hundred years from now - I'm not walking FROM anyone or anything - I'm not walking TOWARDS anyone or anything, either - (it's just a little globe, you know, all paths intersect) I'm just going to walk and walk and walk and walk - whatever it takes, I'm going to walk this out of me, until all my love is airborne.............

When you come to a fork in the road,
take it.
- Yogi Berra

Connie Young

Connie Young, originally uploaded by morningstar treebud.

Jesse and Connie Young

Jesse and Connie Young, originally uploaded by morningstar treebud.

Kona All-Star Jam

Friday eve, I was feeling uplifted and decided to go into town. The "Kona All-Star Jam" was presenting a free pre-tour preview at the MIXX Bistro. The MIXX Bistro is an open-air sort of place - there is a roof over the band and the small bar - the rest of it has the night sky as ceiling and walls consisting of mere plywood lattice-work and some few potted plants. The band featured Jesse Colin Young (remember the Youngbloods?), his wife Connie on electric violin, our local musical prodigy Dylan Kai on lead guitar (watch out for this young man - he's not made his name yet - it's only a matter of time - he plays with masterful skill and sensitivity), Louis Pinault on congos and Vito Truglio playing bass guitar. The small place was packed to overflowing and it wasn't long before the music called nearly all to dance. (Do I dance? You know I do!) And so there we were, all dancing together, happy-shiny faces and by the time the band played that old Youngblood song "Get Together", the audience singing and dancing along, lifting hands up to heaven - (yes, a regular "hippie love-fest") it felt to me that peace was simple - we only need pass this simple message of brotherhood along - the world will be fine.

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GET TOGETHER
Jesse Colin Young

Love is but a song we sing
Fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wind
You may not know why
~~~~~~~~~~
CHORUS:
Come on people now, smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some may come and some may go
You will surely pass
When the one who left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moment's sunlight
Fading in the grass...(CHORUS)

If you hear the song we sing
You will understand
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command (CHORUS TWICE)

Try to love one another right now
Try to love one another right now

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And so with this joyous feeling, cup of happiness fully overflowing, I headed out the door to my car. I barely noticed him at first, the young scruffy guy wearing a backpack and sitting on the curb, listening to the music and celebration. His eyes were glazed over from who-knows-what poisonous concoction; he was the picture of misery, loneliness - a perfect outcast. I considered to offer him some help, but passed the opportunity by - perhaps he had chosen his position as outside listener rather than joining the happiness within the bare partitions? perhaps, even, he had chosen his misery? I didn't wish to intrude upon his privacy and his misery......but he did cause me to wonder.......how DOES one open a heart?





Darkness, Darkness
by Jesse Colin Young

Darkness, darkness, be my pillow,
Take my hand, and let me sleep.
In the coolness of your shadow,
In the silence of your deep.
Darkness, darkness, has me yearning,
For things that cannot be.
Keep me my mind from constant turning,
Toward the things it cannot see,
Things it cannot see,
Things it cannot see.

Darkness, darkness, long and lonesome,
As the day brings the pain.
I have found the edge of stillness,
I live in the depth of fear.
Darkness, darkness, be my blanket,
Cover me with endless night,
Take away the pain that flows away,
Fill the emptiness with bright,
Emptiness with bright,
Emptiness with bright.

Darkness, darkness, be my pillow,
Take my hand, and let me sleep.
In the coolness of your shadow,
In the silence of your deep.
Darkness, darkness, be my blanket,
Cover me with endless night,
Take away the pain that flows away,
Fill the emptiness with bright,
Emptiness with bright,
Emptiness with bright.

While waiting to get into our apartment, Will and I spent a couple of days "camping" out at one of the resort hotels in Kailua-Kona. It's luxury, for sure, and perhaps an unnecessary extravagance, but it eased the stress of a move during busy times for both of us. The hotels offer special "kamaaina" rates for local residents and we weren't the only local visitors to the hotel that weekend. My next door neighbors were a family in the process of moving from Oahu to the Big Island, and like us, were awaiting access to their new home. Our lanais were separated by a half-wall and so, in neighborly fashion, we became acquainted. I spent a long time "talking story" with the 9-year old granddaughter (Alicia) and her grandfather. They both seemed eager to chat with someone other than each other. I was grateful for the friendly encounter, as well. Our talk ranged over a wide number of subjects. The man was enjoying his success in picking "opihi" off the rocks just in front of the hotel. (I thoroughly enjoyed the enticing smells of his catch cooking on their hibachi - certain, too, that barbecueing was not allowed on the lanais but I wasn't about to report them!) The grandfather told me of his love for the ocean and of his own father's untimely death at sea. Alicia told me of her love for dancing the hula, retold a few choice and gruesome ghost stories and confided her shyness in making friends at her new school (I saw no evidence of such shyness!) This is how it goes; people share their stories, share their fears, loves and griefs and almost always there is at least one tasty morsel that stays with you.

Alicia's morsel for me? She asked if I ever see anything when my eyes are closed. "Yes", I replied, "I do. Sometimes I try to look closely at the 'vision' and when I do, it disappears." "Well", she explained, "When you see something with your eyes shut, that is your spirit."...


...out of the mouths of babes


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Here are a few blogs that I highly recommend. I consider each of them sort of like translators; translating into words and images that vision and understanding, that sense that exists when eyes are shut, that veiled space that can be so elusive....

http://quanceblog.blogspot.com/


http://arjunalight.blogspot.com/


http://ethnicallyincorrect.blogspot.com/

That's young Ruthie with chin in hands, blissful thoughts in mind and cousins and siblings in company 

Maluhia

MALUHIA

- peace, quietness, safety; a sense of the presence and power of the gods; fear, dread; the solemn awe and stillness that reigned during some of the ancient kapu (tapu); cloudy and dark, as when the sun does not break at all

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Remember the post about my walk where I met "Gentle Ben"? That place is known as Maluhia - I will visit that place again today and take some photos to share (inshallah!) - until then - I meditate upon this lovely painting and the sense of sanctuary it creates for me - Peace be with you, my friends

http://www.kayton-art.com/ 

My son and I have been moving this past week - from the 1100 foot elevation to sea-level (I can hear the ocean's surf from my bedroom - yay!) - a dramatic change in climate where there is less rain, more heat - it seems I'm consuming gallons of water per day - I realize that I've accumulated far too much "stuff" - a great time to rid myself of non-essentials again (hmmmmm......what thing IS essential??) - we live closer to the center of town (will be able to save on gasoline) - and well, its all good!

What do you do when the road is impossibly mucky? I sometimes hop a fence (even if barbed-wire) and pass the muddy impasse....