Funny, I live in a colorful world - our landscape is vibrant and lush - yet my dreams are in black and white these days - I somehow knew that I'd be passing through these "dark days" - where I dredge up old griefs that I want exorcised finally and completely- and where I battle the bitterness and cynicism that seeks to creep into my being- cynicism must be reserved only for the youthful - it is sure death for those of us in middle-age and further.

Today we hold our dying cat - Pumpkin the obese and schizophrenic - who is the most affectionate and companionable cat when indoors - and the most skittish and unsociable when outdoors - when she wakes she cries out and seeks our company - and then falls into purring and kittenish kneading when comforted - and then finally sleeps again - she's not going to the vet - no euthanasia for Pumpkin and no decisions made by any other than God as to when, how or why.